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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Things
Sex
Humor
Least
Religion
Funny
Death
Two
Nauseous
Come
Lifetime
More quotes by Woody Allen
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
Woody Allen
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
Woody Allen
I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them.
Woody Allen
Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
Woody Allen
Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
Woody Allen
I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
Woody Allen
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
Woody Allen
You can't ride two horses with one behind.
Woody Allen
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Woody Allen
I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons.
Woody Allen
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Woody Allen
A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
Woody Allen
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
Woody Allen
When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
Woody Allen
Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Woody Allen
If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
Woody Allen
