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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Things
Sex
Humor
Least
Religion
Funny
Death
Two
Nauseous
Come
Lifetime

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You make a film and always hope you're going make Citizen Kane or The Bicycle Thief. You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely.
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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
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Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV?
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.
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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.
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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
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When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.
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I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.
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Your audience teaches you how to be funny.
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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