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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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I am an only child. I have one sister.
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
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