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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Palms
Knock
Humorous
Sex
Movie
Someone
Love
Infamy
Masturbation
More quotes by Woody Allen
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.
Woody Allen
I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
Woody Allen
I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them.
Woody Allen
I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
Woody Allen
I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
Woody Allen
Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
Woody Allen
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
Woody Allen
The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
Woody Allen
I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
Woody Allen
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Woody Allen
None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
I foresee death by culture shock.
Woody Allen
I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one.
Woody Allen
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Woody Allen
I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Woody Allen
