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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Sex
Movie
Someone
Love
Infamy
Masturbation
Palms
Knock
Humorous
More quotes by Woody Allen
I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens.
Woody Allen
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.
Woody Allen
This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
Woody Allen
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
Woody Allen
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
Woody Allen
I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
Woody Allen
For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody Allen
Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
Woody Allen
People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it.
Woody Allen
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
Woody Allen
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Woody Allen
Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday
Woody Allen
I write the script nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not.
Woody Allen
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
Woody Allen
People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.
Woody Allen
Life is full of moments that are good - winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner - but the whole thing is tragic. It's an oasis that is very pleasant.
Woody Allen
90 per cent of success is turning up.
Woody Allen
I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
Woody Allen
You use sex to express every emotion except love.
Woody Allen
