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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Masturbation
Palms
Knock
Humorous
Sex
Movie
Someone
Love
Infamy

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out
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You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.
Woody Allen
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen