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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Director
Film Producer
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying.
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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I can make films. And some of them come out good, and some of them come out better, and some of them come out worse. But I've been very lucky over the years to be able to sustain the length of career that I've had.
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
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