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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Remember
Tobacco
Cigarette
Smoking
Humorous
Smoke
Fast
Sex
Funny
Anniversary

More quotes by Woody Allen

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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.
Woody Allen
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger.
Woody Allen
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
Woody Allen
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If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It's fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it's economically helpful.
Woody Allen
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
Woody Allen
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You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
Woody Allen
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
Woody Allen
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Woody Allen
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Woody Allen
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.
Woody Allen
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
Woody Allen
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Woody Allen
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
Woody Allen
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
Woody Allen
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
Woody Allen
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Showing up is 80 percent of life.
Woody Allen
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Woody Allen
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Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.
Woody Allen