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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Words
Language
Important
Love
Benign
English

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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith.
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90 per cent of success is turning up.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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For me personally - because I do it myself - the scoring of a picture is fun. I edit the picture and when I've finished I go into my room and I have many many records - jazz, classical and popular music. And I have this all at my disposal. I don't have to get a composer.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles.
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.
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Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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