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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
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Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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One filmmaker makes films that are deep, intellectual, profound and confrontational. And the other one makes purely vacuous, escapist films. I'm not sure the one who makes escapist films is making a poorer contribution than the one who makes the deeper films.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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I see the glass half full...but of poison.
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Man was made in God`s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world.
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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90% of success in life is showing up
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
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I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me I want to be stuffed with crab meat.
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
Woody Allen
