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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Learned
Comedy
Taught
Since
Everything
Unequivocally
Writing
Danny
Things
Modified
Simon
More quotes by Woody Allen
I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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Life is full of moments that are good - winning a lottery, seeing a beautiful woman, a great dinner - but the whole thing is tragic. It's an oasis that is very pleasant.
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
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If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.
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Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
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It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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