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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Wind
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Masturbation
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Art
Experts
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More quotes by Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
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You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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Take the money and run.
Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
Woody Allen
I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.
Woody Allen
Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
Woody Allen
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
Woody Allen
My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
Woody Allen
If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.
Woody Allen
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
Woody Allen
If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting
Woody Allen
Everything in life turns out to be a distraction from the real thing you want to do. There are a million distractions and when I was a kid I was very disciplined. I knew that the other kids weren't. I was the one able to do the thing, not because I had more talent, maybe less, but because they simply weren't applying themselves.
Woody Allen