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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Near
Worse
Theater
Playing
Death
Many
Things

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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.
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You use sex to express every emotion except love.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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I don't why whatever works and whatever doesn't. You just make the film that you enjoy making at the time, and you think there's a good chance that people might enjoy the story. You're surprised pleasantly when they do. It's just luck.
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot.
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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