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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
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I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public quite brilliantly.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off.
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
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