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Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Death
Ends
Way
Think
Expenses
Effective
Cutting
Dying
Inspirational

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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
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I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.
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You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie.
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
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In certain areas I don't function well and in other areas I function very well. I'm very good professionally. I have good discipline, I'm able to write every day and do films and not go six times over the budget. I mean I'm a coherent person, but I also don't like to go through tunnels when I travel. I'm claustrophobic.
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't.
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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90 per cent of success is turning up.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
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