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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Hilarious
Suspicious
Witty
Afraid
Dark
Funny
Light

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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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You make a film and always hope you're going make Citizen Kane or The Bicycle Thief. You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely.
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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up.
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Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
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We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit!
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I am two with nature.
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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly.
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