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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Went
Lasts
Last
Misdemeanors
Woman
Statue
Time
Statues
Love
Sex
Inside
Liberty

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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer.
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Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing.
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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