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I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Cases
Afterlife
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Underwear
Believe
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Pairs
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More quotes by Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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I keep getting more and more ambitious. Over the years, to some degree, in some areas, I feel I've grown. In some areas, I made a fool of myself. In some areas, I think I can still do some funny things.
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed.
Woody Allen
To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
Woody Allen
When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
Woody Allen
Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen
