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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Things
Astronomers
People
Comforting
Finite
Leave
Universe
Science
Thought
Remember

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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Woody Allen
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
Woody Allen
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The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film - as in Husbands and Wives - is highly jagged, neurotic, fast-paced, nervous New York film, it just called for that kind of shooting, editing and performance.
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This stuff tastes awful I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store.
Woody Allen
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.
Woody Allen