Quote

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen

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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
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[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
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How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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