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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
More quotes by Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Woody Allen
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
Woody Allen
[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.
Woody Allen
I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
Woody Allen
When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.
Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
Woody Allen
I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
Woody Allen
In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
Woody Allen
I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
Woody Allen
If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
Woody Allen
If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate? Who wants to think about that stuff
Woody Allen
I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
Woody Allen
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
Woody Allen
The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
Woody Allen
The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.
Woody Allen
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Woody Allen
I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.
Woody Allen
And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
Woody Allen