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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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People think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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You make a film and always hope you're going make Citizen Kane or The Bicycle Thief. You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely.
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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