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It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Elena
Maria
Barcelona
Contradiction
Meant
Funny

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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again.
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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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When I was young, I wanted to be a dramatic writer, a writer of tragedy. Nothing would've pleased me more than if I could have written like Eugene O'Neil or Tennessee Williams.
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor.
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Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
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Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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