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Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Cannot
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Human
Humans
More quotes by Woody Allen
Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
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Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
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If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
Woody Allen
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Woody Allen
If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me.
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In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny.
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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
Woody Allen
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
Woody Allen
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.
Woody Allen
What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?
Woody Allen
What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen