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But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Masturbation
Excessive
Entry
Link
Links
Discovered
Politics

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Once munching has begun, Schopenhauer held, the human will cannot resist further munching, and the result is a universe with crumbs over everything.
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.
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I don't know enough to be incompetent.
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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