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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Pays
Travel
Crime
Pay
Hours
Good
Think
Thinking

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz.
Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Woody Allen
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
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I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.
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You can be distracted by your love life, by the baseball game, movies, by the nonsense. Can I get my kid into this private school? Can I get this girl to go out with me Saturday night? Am I going to get the promotion in my office? All this stuff, but in the end the universe burns out. So I think it's completely meaningless.
Woody Allen
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen
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The wicked at heart probably know something.
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The heart wants what it wants.
Woody Allen
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
Woody Allen
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Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
Woody Allen
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
Woody Allen
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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
Woody Allen
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes.
Woody Allen
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
Woody Allen
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
Woody Allen
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen
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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
Woody Allen
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
Woody Allen
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for.
Woody Allen