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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Good
Witty
Humorous
Excuse
Exists
Atheism
Dying
Hope
Death

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
Woody Allen
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.
Woody Allen
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
Woody Allen
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
Woody Allen
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Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.
Woody Allen
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America.
Woody Allen
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
Woody Allen
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In certain areas I don't function well and in other areas I function very well. I'm very good professionally. I have good discipline, I'm able to write every day and do films and not go six times over the budget. I mean I'm a coherent person, but I also don't like to go through tunnels when I travel. I'm claustrophobic.
Woody Allen
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
Woody Allen
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Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching.
Woody Allen
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
Woody Allen
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The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.
Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'
Woody Allen
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
Woody Allen
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
Woody Allen
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Comedians have a tendency to have a limited range, they tend to do one thing and do it very well, but it's limited.
Woody Allen