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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorous
Excuse
Exists
Atheism
Dying
Hope
Death
Good
Witty

More quotes by Woody Allen

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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer.
Woody Allen
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Woody Allen
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I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.
Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Woody Allen
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
Woody Allen
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I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
Woody Allen
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Woody Allen
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Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: Let us out, let us out!.
Woody Allen
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
Woody Allen
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
Woody Allen
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Woody Allen
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Subjectivity is objective.
Woody Allen