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I foresee death by culture shock.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Shock
Culture
Death
Foresee

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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
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If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.
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That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art if the thing’s real, it just lives.
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Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
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The heart wants what it wants.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
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Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me--it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one.
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
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Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
Woody Allen