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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Able
Writing
Thing
World
Whenever
Dance
Create
Wonderful

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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers.
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script.
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
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A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
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