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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Another
Reality
Always
Would
Time
Dentist
Think
Ideal
Thinking
Ideals
Went
More quotes by Woody Allen
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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When you make the film, there's a big difference between when you're in your own home at the typewriter, and when you're standing on a mountain, or on a street corner, and buses are coming by-it's a different reality. You make a million changes that were never in the script, but that reality dictates.
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it.
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that.
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.
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Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
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A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Life is for the living.
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I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not.
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
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Humorists always sit at the children's table.
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it.
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Comedians have a tendency to have a limited range, they tend to do one thing and do it very well, but it's limited.
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
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