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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
Woody Allen
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We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.
Woody Allen
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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
Woody Allen
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
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Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
Woody Allen
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way the working method is the same.
Woody Allen
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
Woody Allen
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I wouldn't mind dying so much if it wasn't that I would be dead at the end of it.
Woody Allen
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It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
Woody Allen
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives.
Woody Allen
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
Woody Allen
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female.
Woody Allen
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Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
Woody Allen
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
Woody Allen
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
Woody Allen
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
Woody Allen