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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Prevented
Incompetence
Witty
Humorous
Enthusiasm
Idea
Ideas
Never
Plunging

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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do?
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
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For me personally - because I do it myself - the scoring of a picture is fun. I edit the picture and when I've finished I go into my room and I have many many records - jazz, classical and popular music. And I have this all at my disposal. I don't have to get a composer.
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies.
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?
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I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.
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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
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90 per cent of success is turning up.
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection.
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You use sex to express every emotion except love.
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
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