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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Years
Hole
Holes
Star
Stars
Year
Black
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The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy.
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When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life than a non-believer.
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art.
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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