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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Next
Years
Hole
Holes
Star
Stars
Year
Black

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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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I'm a big believer in supporting the action on film with the appropriate music. It covers a multitude of sins. It's gotten me out of a lot of jams, over the years. So, music for me is a very big thing in films and I use it unashamedly.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep.
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought.
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No Matter what you do there will be critics.
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate.
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I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it.
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You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed?
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