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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Standing
Never
Shoot
Air
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children.
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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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I'm so excited-I think today I'm going to brush all my teeth.
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
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There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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No Matter what you do there will be critics.
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
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I've always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don't interfere with them too much. And then when they're great, take credit for it in the end.
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