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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Religion
Christian
Makes
Garage
Witty
Humorous
Car
Standing
Church

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I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
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Why ruin a good story with the truth?
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It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them.
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The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
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