Quote

By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Stills
Hermeneutics
Still
Mastered
Made
Mistakes
Like
Using
Meant
Mistake
Simple
Heuristic
Language
Heuristics

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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling.
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half.
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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You know what my philosophy of life is? That it’s important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?
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Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.
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I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America.
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