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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Using
Meant
Mistake
Simple
Heuristic
Language
Heuristics
Stills
Hermeneutics
Still
Mastered
Made
Mistakes

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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
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You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other.
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other.
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I'm awash in self-contempt!
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all.
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