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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
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The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Terrific
Stories
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Asked
Crazy
Sleep
Story
Funny
Oral
Girl
Contraception
More quotes by Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.
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The process of making films is so technically demanding that it's a distraction. You don't spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing.
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All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.
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In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time.
Woody Allen
My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
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You can't ride two horses with one behind.
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Those who can't do, teach!
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do.
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Woody Allen
The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
Woody Allen
It's all through the actors I cannot write in that idiom
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents.
Woody Allen
