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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Asked
Crazy
Sleep
Story
Funny
Oral
Girl
Contraception
Tell
Terrific
Stories
Silly

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A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed.
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
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Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them.
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There is dignity in suffering nobility in pain but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
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I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.
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I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison. — If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s.
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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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