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Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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Desperation
York
Ads
Told
Answered
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Equally
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Review

More quotes by Woody Allen

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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time.
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?
Woody Allen
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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.
Woody Allen
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.
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Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.
Woody Allen
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
Woody Allen
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out.
Woody Allen
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently.
Woody Allen
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.
Woody Allen
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
Woody Allen
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Woody Allen