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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Liberty
Lasts
Last
Woman
Statue
Statues
Witty
Humorous

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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes...
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important.
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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Those who can't do, teach!
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My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then things can be wonderful. It's not like homework. You don't have to work at the relationship.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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Your audience teaches you how to be funny.
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You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them.
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
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... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not the thing with feathers. The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
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She had been critical of his new torch song, A Side Order of Heartache, Please, suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder.
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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up.
Woody Allen