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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Good
Meter
Barely
Eyes
Looking
Eye
Keep

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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context.
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful.
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'.
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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are always on. It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.
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I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.
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There's nothing sexier than a lapsed Catholic.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone.
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You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets fooled by the idiot?
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