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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Self
Notch
Notches
Kafka
Witty
Humorous
Esteem

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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.
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Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.
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I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.
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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
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In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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Subjectivity is objective.
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I am an only child. I have one sister.
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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life.
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
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