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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Self
Notch
Notches
Kafka
Witty
Humorous
Esteem

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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
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Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be.
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors.
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person.
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
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The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.
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I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
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