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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Bookshelves
Carpenter
Charged
Wondered
Woods
Walking
Christ
Thinking
More quotes by Woody Allen
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hath Thou done lately?
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them.
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
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My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
It's very hard to keep your spirits up. You've got to keep selling yourself a bill of goods, and some people are better at lying to themselves than others. If you face reality too much, it kills you.... you've got to find an answer to the question: Why go on?
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