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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Erasers
Copy
Copies
Honey
Witty
Humorous
Bring
Eraser

More quotes by Woody Allen

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The French make two mistakes about me. They think I'm an intellectual because I wear these glasses and they think I'm an artist because my films lose money.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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No Matter what you do there will be critics.
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal.
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History is the same thing over and over again.
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?
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There will be no major solution to the suffering of humanity until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until those questions are resolved we are caught.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy.
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I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.
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New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome.
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I'm really impotent against the overwhelming bleakness of the universe and the only thing I can do is my little gift [filmmaking] and do it the best I can, [...] which is cold comfort.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
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Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world.
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