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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Honey
Witty
Humorous
Bring
Eraser
Erasers
Copy
Copies

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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess.
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I can levitate birds. No one cares.
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America.
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Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film.
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly.
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I do feel it's important to have some kind of faith in something, but [it is] impossible for many of us. I personally don't have any faith in anything, but it's great if you can.
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood I was breast-fed through falsies.
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.
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