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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Bring
Eraser
Erasers
Copy
Copies
Honey
Witty
Humorous

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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
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Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: Let us out, let us out!.
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Boy, the food at this place is really terrible. The other one says, Yeah, I know and such small portions. Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world.
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head.
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet.
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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I don't get depressed I grow a tumor instead.
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Take the money and run.
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here [screening room] and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished.
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated.
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special.
Woody Allen
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I've been escaping my whole life. Since I was a little child, I escaped into the movies on the other side as an audience member. I escaped by going into the movies and sitting in the movies all day long.
Woody Allen
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.
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I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.
Woody Allen