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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorous
Bring
Eraser
Erasers
Copy
Copies
Honey
Witty
More quotes by Woody Allen
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
Woody Allen
I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon.
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again.
Woody Allen
When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.
Woody Allen
I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed.
Woody Allen
I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead.
Woody Allen
When one chooses to be a writer, psychologically there's a reason for that because you like the isolation and you like to be by yourself and you are by nature timid.
Woody Allen
Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
Woody Allen
You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
Woody Allen
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
Woody Allen
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
Woody Allen
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
Woody Allen
I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.
Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Woody Allen
Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Woody Allen
My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one
Woody Allen
