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I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Humorous
Hate
Place
Reality
Stills
Still
Best
Steak
Good
Witty
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Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad.
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
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This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.
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I am an only child. I have one sister.
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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts.
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things.
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane.
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.
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Well, if I don't get at least 16 hours, I'm a basket case.
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I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.
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Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching.
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