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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Spirit
Jack
Two
Spirits
Martinis
Body
Tolerate
Drinker
Years
Witty
Martini
Really
Humorous
Elevator
Tried
Drinkers
Humor
Elevators
Funny
Cuba

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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
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Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
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There's something about my films they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not.
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If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky.
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
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I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
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My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.
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Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other.
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work.
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If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying.
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I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want
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