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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
Woody Allen
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Woody Allen
Age: 88
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
Author
Character Actor
Clarinetist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Jazz Musician
Journalist
Musician
Playwright
The Bronx
New York City
Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
Gym
Witty
Humorous
Teach
More quotes by Woody Allen
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country.
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.
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I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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90 per cent of success is turning up.
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations.
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting.
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I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
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I don't like to meet the actor and have a lot of conferences and talk about their sub-life and their off-screen life and their back stories and all that nonsense, because it never means anything.
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
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God, you Jews are truly exotic. Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.
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Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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Some people think about sex all the time some people think of sex some of the time and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.
Woody Allen
For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good.
Woody Allen