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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Woody Allen

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Woody Allen
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 1
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Character Actor
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Film Actor
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The Bronx
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Allan Stewart Konigsberg
Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Heywood Allen
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More quotes by Woody Allen

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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw.
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
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I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there.
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After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff... I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them.
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
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I think I've gotten technically better over the years but you'd have to be a fool not to. I've made so many movies that by sheer quantity you get better at the technique.
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Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.
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If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right.
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't.
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